Remember Pavlov, the scientist who taught us about conditioned response? He rang a bell and a few moments later he’d drop a little kibble in front of his canine subject. The animal became so accustomed to the tinkling sound that it would salivate anytime Pavlov jingled his brass bell. Pavlov dubbed this effect ‘conditioned response’ and taught us that we can use associations to modify behavior.
To his dogs, Pavlov was just a butler who annoyed them by occasionally forgetting the food. Conditioned response works best when the mind is not cluttered by conflict and angst. If Pavlov experimented with Jasminelive women instead of dogs he would have abandoned his theory. We women are not fond of stimulus/response. We have a disproportionate serving of conflict and angst. This means the same stimulus can elicit a blistering array of responses. If Pavlov rang his bell around women and rewarded us with food, we might complain about the bell or the food, or just pretend that we’re listening when we’re really thinking about what we need to accomplish this weekend.
The weekend bell rings and males have a conditioned response that has something to do with a couch, a few beers and a remote control devicefor Livejasmin.cc website. Women hear the bell and think it’s a starting salvo for a frantic 48-hour race. Sure, if you ring a bell on Friday afternoon, I’ll salivate. By Sunday I’m exhausted and still looking for the bowl. I am un-trainable. I still look forward to weekends. I count the days, then the hours until Friday afternoon. Women hear the bell just like men and dogs. Women just postpone the reward indefinitely, weekend-in, weekend-out.
Up early on Saturday, hit the gym, grab coffee on the way home, do seven loads of laundry, clean the refrigerator, plan the meals, make the grocery list and check jasminlive e-mail. Clean the bathrooms, update office inventories, go shopping, iron clothes, make dinner. Revise plans to rebuild the deck while on hold with an airline, try to read two chapters of a decent book, collapse. Jumble and repeat.
Is it any wonder that by Sunday evening I am ready to bite someone? I’ll show you a friggin’ conditioned response. I have just ruined another weekend by jamming it full, and I resent my behavior so much that I ruin many Sundays doing extra work in the hope that doing MORE this weekend will make next weekend a breeze. If you are a woman you understand this. If you are a man, please stop laughing. It just pisses us off.
If Pavlov had been right I’d hate weekends by now. Are women missing the neurons for conditioned response? I can only come to the conclusion that women are less trainable than men OR dogs, which makes my gender superior to both.
It’s Sunday night and I am hopelessly wagging my tail: one weekend is almost over, another only five days away. Let’s see how much I can accomplish in the next three hours, so maybe next weekend I can just “Sit, Bitch. Sit.”